Recovering Tuesday

Almost back to health.  The crunchiness in my lungs is mostly gone, my coughs are more productive, and the fatigue is slowly passing.

Which is a good thing because May has all of a sudden become a hairball month for me.  A work project that I had thought would be quick and easy has become much harder and time-intensive.  Fortunately, the short deadline on that project has been extended to the end of the month, giving me some needed breathing room.

I worked on it pretty much all day Monday in the way that one does when one’s internal procrastination clock is ringing and cannot be turned off.  I was feeling sick, fatigued, anxious and slightly terrified - but I figured out my path forward and got more time to execute it.

This is, of course, why I retired in the first place.  I hate, hate, hate working on things that are out of my control.  I hate, hate, hate being under professional stress.  At this point in my life, I just want jobs that have no stress (election clerk) or that only call for me to be smart (legal advice, not litigation).

With deadlines still out there for this project and the conflicts book, and other things pending decisions, I am beginning to seriously reconsider my business plan.  Putting, puttering around the house, exercising and reading seem to be plenty to do without taking on seriously time-consuming work, especially when I am feeling ill.

This may all change when I get back to feeling better, but I need to start setting new goals.

For example, my book.  My real book, which has been percolating in my mind now for about three years.  I have been struggling with the framework of the book and with the ending, but while lying in bed, listening to my lungs crackle, I had a moment of unfettered clarity … and solved both problems.  The book will now write itself if I can just commit to it.

This means I need a start date.  On that day, I will commit to no other responsibilities, no legal work, no public speaking, no other books.  Just a friendly five pages a day for six months, then see if I have something.

John Kennedy Toole did it with A Confederacy of Dunces.  Harper Lee did it with To Kill a Mockingbird.  Joseph Heller did it with Catch-22.  They wrote great first novels, books that had lived inside them, waiting to be unleashed and set free.

Will I write a great book?  I hope so.

Let’s say September 1.  Wind everything up by then and spend the next six months finding out if I am a real writer.  

This blog is about accountability - so hold me accountable.  You want to read my book, but you won’t be able to unless I write it!

Deal.